Imaginary Friend

In the past year I have had the great fortune to make a new friend, her name is Aimee. There are so many amazing things about Aimee: she is a screenwriter, she loves good food, she has a family but makes time for herself and she and I have similar taste in many things. During my hospital stay, Aimee called to check on me daily, visited the hospital bringing books and DVDs and was just an all around great friend. I've met her husband Lee and her adorable high spirited daughter Ella, and Aimee has been to my house. Now the funny part of this, during all this time my husband has never met Aimee. Just one of those never crossed paths moment, I'm not hiding Aimee, they just haven't met. So, Steve has decided that Aimee is my "imaginary friend."
His reasoning: Debz know a "person", who likes exactly what she like, writes screenplays and has even entered and become a finalist in a screenplay competition and that he has never seen. This equals "imaginary friend." When I tell Steve about interesting things that Aimee and I talk about, or her writing Steve's answer is "You know, this imaginary friend of yours is very cool. Not creepy like the imaginary friends in the movies."
When I told Aimee about Steve's theory she said "Well, its better than him thinking you're having an affair."
On Saturdays after writing group, Aimee and I usually have lunch. This past Saturday we were laughing about imaginary friends, and setting up a time for Steve to meet Aimee when I suddenly had a Twilight Zone moment.
What if Aimee is imaginary? Meeting someone who feels like a kindred soul is a great and often rare experience. What if during my time in screenwriting, job change and life changing health problems I simply phased out from reality and created this friend? As I sat across the table, I glanced around the cafe to see if anyone was staring at our table. I figured that if I was sitting alone, talking and laughing to myself someone would be staring. No one was looking. This feeling lasted only a moment, but it was a strange feeling. It made me appreciate friendship and realize just how important friends are. It also made me realize how lucky we all are that we get to add to our group of friends! It also made me realize...I really got to set up a time for Steve to meet Aimee!

Zombie Jesus

Well, I'm taking my final draft of Zombie Jesus to my writing group this weekend. Many friends have told me that I should use a pen name on this script. Something to do with offending folks, but in all fairness to me, I get everyone in here, from ancient followers of Jesus, to "Der Pope", and a few others. I'm about to start sending out my scripts to various competitions, wouldn't it just be a dream if I ended up making a living off my writing? Okay, I'm not thinking that Zombie Jesus is going to be the next big Hollywood picture, though that would be to awesome for words.  This script started because of my husband, he was the one who thought it would be cool to make a bumpersticker that said: "Jesus, the original Zombie". 

Jon Stewart will see me through

Well it has been over a month since I last wrote. During this time the successful things I have been doing is finishing my full length screenplay and working on a short screenplay. I have also been sending out resumes and becoming a Jobdango addict. I have yet to get an interview. Combine that with a nasty cold that I've had for the past couple of weeks and I got: Depressed! That's right, I sit in front of my computer looking over my resume again and again thinking "What's wrong with me? Why can't I get an interview." 

My wise friends point out that it will take time. Then some of them go on about how terrifying it is out there, how THOUSANDS of people all go for the same job, how horrible the economy is, etc. The one thing these wise people all have in common: they are employed. I don't know if they realize this, but telling me, a person laid off because of this economy, about how bad things are is not just preaching to the choir, it's beating me over the head with the damn hymnal! 

Which brings me to the other thing I have been doing with my time. I watch The Daily Show on my computer. Somehow, Jon Stewart can tell me how bad things are, but makes me laugh about it! He doesn't point out that I'm lucky because my husband works, he just simply points out how outrageous it is that we got here. So now, when things get crazy grim, I turn to Jon Stewart. If anything is going to keep me sane its humor!  

Forensic Scientist

I don't know how they found out, but ever since I became unemployed I've been stalked by Forensic Scientists. They lurk in my Spam. Sometimes as many as five await there, like they know "Hey, she's unemployed and desperate she's going to check her spam to see if there is an answer to all her online resumes." They are correct. Daily I check the spam area of my e-mail, hoping that something was sent there accidentally. The minute I open it, there they are "Forensic Scientist wanted!" Sometimes as many as five e-mails. Who knew there was such a shortage of Forensic Scientists? Are bodies just piling up in morgues? Morticians standing there helpless, because the bodies have not been examined by their local Forensic Scientists. Turning to bereaved families and saying "I'm sorry, you'll have to postpone the burial. The Forensic Scientist hasn't arrived and for all we know you murdered your dearly departed."

In moments of unemployed panic I find myself eyeing those e-mails. I see myself in a white lab coat, with a deerstalker cap looking down at the body as a breathless assistant watches my superior deductive skills.

"Why its quite obvious! See the dent on his right middle finger? Obviously he was old school and used a number 2 pencil to work. Showing a mathematician of some renown, due to his expensive haircut. No, I'm quite sure this is not a case of brain fever, but of murder most foul!"

Then, I see myself: a large woman dressed in white, something I didn't even wear at my wedding. Standing before a cadaver with the unpleasant knowledge that I am to cut the poor person open. Quickly I hit the delete to send the Forensic Scientists into cyber space. I also note that I'm reading just a tad to much Sherlock Holmes.

When no one is awake

I got up with my husband at 4:30AM this morning. This is not unusual, I usually wake up with him, have breakfast, pack his lunch and hang out till he leaves. I love best when he works his early shift, because it gives me a reason to be up at this time. I have always had jobs that start early in the morning. Even in college where I worked at a coffee shop, I was the opening person. I love early morning hours, times when no one else is around. I like the silence, the thoughtfulness of the dawn. I like the feeling that I am up and about, doing something useful, while others sleep. It's the ultimate private time. Before the weight of a day of words gets to me. I guess it is a time of weightlessness, a time where there is no pressing needs. I looked up on the computer thesaurus's to find another word for early: it came up with "youthful, first and before time". I think these all describe how I feel in the dark of a winter's morning.

At this hour, I give myself the peace to just move around in a sleepy body. A body so grateful for that first cup of coffee that the smell and taste is almost better than any meal I could eat. The first moment when I put my dog outside, standing in the door, inhaling the air made alive by its coolness. Feeling a Christmas thrill when I'm greeted with fog. I love the way clouds wrap the world. The warmth of house lights as they diffuse across the mist, and I love the feeling of the moisture as the mist settles on my skin feeling like the soft breath of the planet. A lot of my friends and my husband think I'm crazy for getting up early. That's okay, because right now, in this dark time, I'm alone, drinking coffee and totally myself.

Job Search

Job Search: two words that separately mean work and looking, but together mean joy and despair. When I finally find that dream looking job that matches my credentials I feel so much joy. I'm thinking 'Hey, look at this! I would be perfect for this job!' I send out the resume and cover letter thinking 'I'll hear from this place.' Then, despair, I don't hear from the place and then I get to go through all the phases of death: anger 'they don't know what they are missing', denial 'their process might just take longer, maybe I'm still in the running' and finally acceptance 'okay, let's see what's on jobdango today!'

In my head I understand that with a 10% unemployment rate, my job search is going to take a while. In my heart, I'm still frightened and feeling profoundly unemployed. I wonder if my dog can sense this? At moments when I stare blankly at the computer, feeling slightly depressed, Giger shows up and starts pawing at me. Her eyes seem to say "hey, stop staring at the bright shiny box, let's go for a walk!" Dog's are brilliant that way, they understand the power of the walk. So, on goes the leash and off we go, Giger to sniff and me to clear my mind, work out my screenplays, and of course, the occasional win the lotto fantasy.

I have turned into veal.

Last August my doctor told me to stop exercising, something you don't hear out of doctors mouths. In this case, any exercise brought on a period or made the existing one worse. By the end, I could only take my dog for a short walk. Then came surgery, and I was pretty much stationary from December 2nd until January 8th. The first exercise I did was to make our bed, this made me so tired I laid right down for a nap. Seriously, major surgery takes the energy right out of a person!

After I was laid off, I knew it was time to start building myself back up. Now, I've never been thin, or slender, or anything approaching those words. I have considered myself fit and fat. Now I lost the fit! I decided that with all the time I had I needed to organize my days. I began to take my dog out for daily walks. Walks are perfect if you are a writer, the fresh air really helps get the cobwebs out. Plus I can think as I stroll around the park, and my dog loves me. Talk about win/win. Then came phase II; if I was ever going to build back up, I needed to get in and work my muscles.

Joy from Prananda yoga studio got me one of her "hip opening" DVD's. Which is perfect, because after you let someone take a knife and a staple gun to your abdomen; you have to regain the trust of your muscles. My muscles were all locked up in fight or flight mode.

The first time I used the DVD I loved it. The woman who demonstrated the modified poses really looks like she needs all the props. So often with a yoga DVD, the people who do the modified poses are in perfect shape, and you can see them "pretending" to need the bricks, or straps, or blankets. On Joy's tape the woman is older, and you can practically see her thinking "where the hell is my strap".

I, of course, need straps, blocks, blankets and pillows to hit most of the poses. Basically, I look like I'm gift wrapping myself; but after the DVD, I feet better. I'm realizing that to get through this bout of unemployment I've got to have some areas of my life under control; even if I have to lasso myself with a yoga strap to do it!

*I recommend the hip opening DVD and Prananda yoga studio to anyone; especially folks who are a little shy about starting. The classes are small and there is a gentle stretching class on Saturday mornings that is amazing. I've put Prananda yoga studio link on this site. Check them out!